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Our Tiny, Useless Hearts

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

Henry has ended his marriage to Caroline and headed off to Noosa with Mercedes' grade three teacher, Martha.

Caroline, having shredded a wardrobe-full of Henry's suits, has gone after them.

Craig and Lesley have dropped over briefly from next door to catch up on the fallout from Henry and Caroline's all-night row.

And Janice, Caroline's sister, is staying for the weekend to look after the girls because Janice is the sensible one. A microbiologist with a job she loves, a fervent belief in the beauty of the scientific method and a determination to make a solo life after her divorce from Alec.

Then Craig returns through the bedroom window expecting a tryst with Caroline and finds Janice in her bed, Lesley storms in with a jealous heart and a mouthful of threats, Henry, Caroline and Martha arrive back from the airport in separate taxis—and let's not even get started on Brayden the pizza guy.

Janice can cope with all that. But when Alec knocks on the door things suddenly get complicated.

Harnessing the exquisite timing of the great comedies to the narrative power and emotional intelligence for which she is famous, Toni Jordan brings all her wit, wisdom and flair to this brilliant, hilarious novel.

Toni Jordan is the author of four novels. The international bestseller Addition (2008), was a Richard and Judy Bookclub pick and was longlisted for the Miles Franklin award. Fall Girl (2010) was published internationally and has been optioned for film, and Nine Days was awarded Best Fiction at the 2012 Indie Awards, was shortlisted for the ABIA Best General Fiction award and was named in Kirkus Review's top 10 Historical Novels of 2013. Her latest novel is Our Tiny, Useless Hearts (2016).

'A new Toni Jordan is always a special pleasure and her latest is a wonderful, witty treat of a novel: cutting and clever, and yet so very romantic, as though P. G. Wodehouse had satirised life in the suburbs.' Liane Moriarty

'A classic farce in the style of Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest, complete with physical comedy, exaggerated situations and a spot of class commentary in the form of suburban satire, Our Tiny, Useless Hearts is loads of fun and clever too.' Books+Publishing

'Laugh-out-loud funny, yet with real emotion at its core, this is a sexy-smart rom-com about love and marriage...I loved it.' Australian Women's Weekly

'Crisp and clever...conjuring a flawless but vividly rendered romantic hero and a love story that feels fresh and sexy.' Saturday Paper

'That Toni Jordan's new novel manages to be a full-length fiction that simultaneously operates as a hugely enjoyable farce and an emotionally rich domestic drama is a testament to her skills as a writer and the charm of her voice.' Australian

'[A] clever and moving comedy about love and marriage. A hilarious and romantic treat.' Who Weekly

'Toni Jordan's novel showcases not a bizarre triangle but a confused love heptagon. With wit and humour, this screwball bedroom farce bends the lines of communication and fidelity out of shape and reconfigures them.' Best Books of 2016, Sydney Morning Herald

'Toni Jordan is in that small group of novelists who can write smart, character- and situation-driven humour, which is to say laugh-out-loud comedy: take Our Tiny, Useless Hearts to the beach.' Graeme Simsion, Best Books of 2016, Guardian 

'Marriage is complicated—and sometimes hilarious—in this novel...Jordan's dialogue is quick and witty, her writing is sharp, and the plot is fast-paced. However, the story's heart comes...

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    • Kirkus

      April 15, 2017
      Marriage is complicated--and sometimes hilarious--in this novel from Australian writer Jordan (Nine Days, 2013, etc.).Janice is a microbiologist--it's her job to help small things grow without mutating. She loves her work because it's understandable, safe, and predictable. But what she could never have predicted is the wild time she'll have at her sister Caroline's house when Caroline's husband, Henry, runs off with their daughters' elementary school teacher, Martha. When Caroline takes off after Henry to repair their marriage, Janice is left in charge of the girls. That's when things devolve into an increasingly unwieldy farce. A naked neighbor sneaks through the bedroom window, leading Janice to realize that Caroline is having an affair of her own. Of course, that's the exact moment Janice's ex-husband stops by, wondering why Janice is in Caroline's bedroom with a naked man. And when said naked neighbor's wife shows up, things get even more confusing. Soon, Janice is juggling a house full of petulant, argumentative adults and two perfectly behaved children. As she tries to help everyone get along, her forced proximity to her ex brings old feelings to the surface. She never fell out of love with him, but after years of trying in vain to have a baby, she felt guilty for being the reason he wouldn't ever have the children he so wanted. Surrounded by so much relationship dysfunction, she begins to wonder if she made the right decision. Jordan's dialogue is quick and witty, her writing is sharp, and the plot is fast-paced. However, the story's heart comes from the way it deals with the serious issues (like infidelity and infertility) that hide underneath the humor. A funny, pleasant look at love, forgiveness, and second chances.

      COPYRIGHT(2017) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

    • Books+Publishing

      February 24, 2016
      Following the romantic capering of Fall Girl and the historically set Nine Days, Toni Jordan’s Our Tiny, Useless Hearts is a highly entertaining romp through the complexities of modern relationships. Janice is desperately trying to keep the peace while her sister Caroline’s marriage implodes, and things get much more complicated when her own ex-husband Alec turns up and a neighbour—Craig, a caricature of a suburban lothario—surprises her in bed. A classic farce in the style of Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, complete with physical comedy, exaggerated situations and a spot of class commentary in the form of suburban satire, Our Tiny Useless Hearts is loads of fun and clever too. Jordan has infused this screwball comedy plot with great warmth, as Janice—a scientist who prefers the simplicity of her bacteria samples to the chaos of relationships—is forced to confront her own shortcomings over the course of this madcap weekend. Among the shattered glass, the bed-switching and the verbal sparring, it is gratifying to find most characters enjoying a happy ending. Our Tiny, Useless Hearts is a relationship drama with a deftly light touch, and will appeal to fans of romance and screwball comedy. Portia Lindsay is general manager for Seizure Online and a former bookseller

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